Beau started preschool at the beginning of Autumn. It’s just a couple of weeks now until the winter-time, so it’s taken me some time to find the words to express how I feel about it.
To be honest, though – I still haven’t found the best words. It has been such a wonderful journey so far – a natural and easy transition for him, and for us – but oh my goodness my emotions. I’ve been all over the place and back again.
There has been the joy, the gratitude, the relief, and the pride. There has been the occasional hint of anxiety, and, alongside all of this, there has been sadness. One minute I was pregnant, then I had a new baby, then this little darling who filled my days with an easy love and consuming happiness… but then before I even knew it I was pregnant again, with a new baby, and he somehow went from two to three in the blink of an eye and soon enough he will be four and it’s all going so quickly, like a snowball down a great hill, and I have no chance of catching up.
I know he’s only three and a half, and it’s only preschool three days a week, but I feel as though this little lion heart of mine has already let go of me. That first little step feels like the furthest.
“Please don’t turn around and grow up way too fast…”
Thanks to my wonderful friend and kindred spirit mama, Amy of Be and Bloom, for introducing me to this beautiful song by Mindy Gledhill (in video, below). It was just what I needed. A moment to gather my memories, with words far more perfect that I could have hoped to write… and the realisation that my baby hasn’t gone anywhere. He’s right where he’s always been – he’s just growing up.
For you, Beau. For your first and most biggest step out into the world, for all the steps to follow, and for how happy and proud and wonderful you make me feel.
Happy Mother’s Day tomorrow, everyone.
May you know how loved and valuable you are.