Week 23

Dear baby

I’m now beginning my 6th month of pregnancy and I STILL have days where I cannot believe this is happening!

It’s not that I don’t believe in you, it’s just that I cannot believe something so amazing is really happening to me: that soon I am going to hold my very own baby in my arms. It’s just too good to be true.

It literally amazes me every single day that something so special is growing and developing inside of me, and I cannot wait to meet the person that will be half of me, and half of my darling Nick. The amazing thing about the creation of life, is that for every single woman who has ever conceived, and for every single baby that has ever been born – every single one is a little miracle in itself. I’m really not sure if I will ever stop being amazed about this. You will always be our little piece of magic, baby.

I hear a lot of complaints from women about their pregnancy experiences – and so far, beyond feeling less energetic and gradually more limited with my movements (which is only temporary of course), I’ve had none of the common complaints. On the one hand I feel so unbelievably fortunate at how well my body has adapted, as I do know that so many women suffer terribly with sickness and all sorts of other things. But on the other hand, I also know that there is a certain amount of helping oneself and being positive, something I strive to do each day (and some days are definitely easier than others, believe me… I won’t mention the 5 minute melt-down I had on a Country Road fitting room floor the other day…).

Your daddy keeps me on track though – and that’s the thing I am grateful for most of all, having someone who loves me so much that he dedicates so much of his energy to making me more comfortable. Not a day goes by that I don’t realise how fortunate I am to have him. Baby, if you are a little boy then I want you to watch your daddy as you grow up and follow his loving example. He will teach you what it is to be both strong and gentle. And if you are a little girl, baby, then I also want you to watch your daddy – and to grow up knowing how a man should behave, and to never settle for anyone (man or woman) who doesn’t treat you with respect, kindness, and unconditional affection. He will help you to see just how special you are.

Whether you are a boy or a girl, baby – your daddy will teach you that you are capable of anything, and I will teach you to shoot for the stars. And, together, we will teach you how it is to love.

Your daddy and I just love each other so much, baby. And out of our love came you. I want you to always remember that – so when there are times you get fed up at being served green vegetables for dinner again, or being told to go to bed when you would rather stay up and play games, or being denied the most expensive pair of school shoes (although somehow I have a feeling you’ll always win your daddy over with that one) – remember that you were brought into this world with love, and will always have it first and foremost, above anything else.

You are going to be your own little person, with a whole life of your own to live and explore and to feel and enjoy – but to us, you will always be our baby, and we will always remember the love that brought you here and will remind you of that as often as we can.

I adore your daddy, baby – and whilst you are my gift to him, he is my gift to you. Your daddy and I joined together in love, and you have fused us together for life.

Our little piece of magic.

Your Mumma
Xx

 

Ps: this song ‘Go Gentle’ by Robbie Williams (my first love before your daddy haha) was written for his baby. It’s exactly what your daddy and I will sing for you:

“Go Gentle”

“You’re gonna meet some strangers.
Welcome to the zoo.
Bitter disappointments.
Except for one or two.
Some of them are angry.
Some of them are mean.
Most of them are twisted.
Few of them are clean.

Now when you go dancing with
young men down at the disco.
Just keep it simple.
You don’t have to kiss though.

[Chorus]
For all your days and nights
I’m gonna be there,
I’m gonna be there,
yes I will.
Go gentle through your life.
If you want me I’ll be there.
When you need me I’ll be there
for you.

Don’t try to make them love you.
Don’t answer every call.
Baby be a giant.
Let the world be small.
Some of them are deadly.
Some don’t let it show.
If they try and hurt you.
Just let your daddy know.

Now when you go giving your heart make
sure they deserve it.
If they haven’t earned it.
Keep searching, it’s worth it.

[Chorus]
For all your days and nights
I’m gonna be there,
I’m gonna be there,
yes I will.
Go gentle through your life.
If you want me I’ll be there.
When you need me I’ll be there
for you.

Go gentle to the light.
I’m gonna be there,
I’m gonna be there,
yes I will.
If all your days are nights
When you want me I’ll be there.
Say my name and I’ll be there
for you.”

 

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Week 22

Dear baby

The last couple of weeks have been so awesome.

Here are some of the awesome things that have happened:

1. It was Mother’s Day! Your daddy and people everywhere congratulated me on my first Mother’s Day, because even though you are still safely in my tummy – I’m already a mummy. Your grandparents Greer wanted to take us to their church (something I had not done before), and I found it to be so lovely and inclusive – a lot of happy, loving people, celebrating life and womanhood; it was empowering to be there. I also went to High Tea with your Grandma Baines and Aunty Hevz – we ate far too many cakes so you were a real bouncy bean! Sorry about that!

2. We’ve found a nice place to rent! It’s much bigger than where we currently are, with a little room for you and an office each for both your daddy and I. It has a private garden, and is in walking distance to the beach. It’s close to your Nana and Poppa Greer and closer to Grandma and Grandad Baines too. At some point your daddy will build us a house of our own… but whilst that’s happening we’ll be living in a container, so let’s make the most of renting for now!

There was a lot of to’ing and fro’ing with the Landlord around almost every term in the tenancy agreement – and I am sure they think we are ‘high maintenance’ tenants! – but it was with great pleasure I said, on more than one occasion, “look, I’ve just got to make sure we are properly protected, for baby’s sake.” On the tenancy agreement it says: “Nick Greer, Hayley Greer, and Baby Greer.” Baby Greer! How cute is that?!

3. I’ve been getting bigger! Over the last fortnight my tummy has really popped out, making me look very obviously pregnant now. Not just fat. We had a lovely night out at the theatre recently, where some dear friends kept saying how well I looked, including a stranger who approached me and said your daddy and I looked fantastic together. She wished us the best for you, it was so kind. I was positively glowing afterwards!

4. We had dinner with your grandparents Greer, who also invited another couple – and the other lady was pregnant too. She is 16 weeks to my 22, so it was wonderful to get to give advice to her and to say things like “oh yes, I remember that stage!” I felt all ‘expert-y’ and experienced. Not something you tend to feel during a first pregnancy, I’m sure. Still, I’m an expert in my own body and an expert in you after all. And she was such a lovely lady, holding my tummy and saying how she can’t wait to get bigger too. Surprisingly, I didn’t mind her touching my tummy. It made you more present with us all at the dinner.

5. We had another midwife appointment, and gave permission to a student midwife who was with her to assist in the check-up. She had a little bit of difficulty feeling the top of my womb when I lay on the bed… and our midwife pointed out that is because my abdominal muscles are very strong. GRIN! It was also really cool to hear your heartbeat loud and strong. She found it in a split second after putting the wand to my tummy and said that was incredible. I know, I said. MY BABY IS AMAZING!

6. I’m feeling your movements much more frequently now, and even noticing patterns in your activity – e.g. you tend to move the most just as I am settling to go to sleep! But I don’t mind at all. It’s amazing feeling you in there, and feeling you squirm when I roll from side to side. Struggling to find a comfy position as much as I am, no doubt. In fact, I accidentally rolled onto my tummy one morning – for ‘just one last snooze’ before getting up – and I felt a distinct kick on the mattress underneath me! It was amazing, you little cheeky!

7. I’ve been going to Saturday morning pregnancy yoga classes for the last month now, and I’ve really started to look forward to them and put them into daily practice. It’s incredible being in a room full of other mums-to-be and hearing all of the unique stories and friendly encouragements – it’s a really special time and I feel so empowered and feminine going to them. We also do some baby belly dancing – it’s very mother earth and I absolutely Iove it.

Baby, I’m starting to wonder now whether in fact you are a boy or a girl. We’re keeping your sex a surprise, but truth be told I’ve always had a gut instinct that you are a little girl. However, lately that has started to change… and now a little baby boy has started to appear in my subconscious. Maybe that means you are a boy after all, or maybe that just means I need to stop thinking about it!

Whoever you are, baby – I UTTERLY LOVE YOU!

Your Mumma
Xx

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Week 20

Baby!

Last night we felt you kick! WE! Your daddy and me both! It was just perfect that the first time I felt your movement he did too.

I’ve felt you wiggling around in my tummy for a couple of weeks now – a kind of fluttery, bubbly sensation (a friend described it perfectly as ‘like the feeling when you go down in a lift’! Like your tummy drops a little), followed by a sort of tightening sensation – which I assumed was you squirming around and moving from one side of my womb to the other. But last night was a real thud! We were just getting into bed – each night we both talk to you and wish you a goodnight, and your daddy kisses my tummy where you are (you most likely know this) – and last night was no different. Except before your daddy went down to talk to you, he put his arm around me and rested his other hand on my tummy. It felt really nice to be laying down after an uncomfortable day with back and leg ache, and your daddy’s hands were so lovely and warm, I felt my body completely relax under him – and them WHAM!

It happened so unexpectedly and, I’m not gonna lie, I all but screamed and your daddy jumped out of his skin! I think it was me that made him jump, not you, but I quickly put his hand back and he said “woah, I felt that!” I did too, I said! All of the flutters and bubbles I have felt up until now were most likely you, but this was unmistakable. You are really and truly in there.

We then spent about 20 minutes apologising to you, just in case we’d offended you by jumping.

I still find it extraordinary – that something so amazing is happening inside my squishy tummy.

We love you baby.

Your mumma
Xo

 

 

 

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Week 19

Dear baby

I dreamed of you for the first time last night! I can’t even begin to tell you how incredible it was, it was just the coolest thing.

I can’t say it’s left me with any sense of what you might look like, or whether you’re a boy or a girl. Just a sense of how much my heart has been captured.

I have to confess. After several days of letting myself feel fed up about work, eager to get started with my own business before you are born, thoughts of where we will live when we move house in a few weeks, and becoming overly annoyed at the incessant (and unnecessary) pregnancy advice from every man and his bleeding dog whenever I come up for air – it was so nice of you to remind me what matters most. Not what I am doing to earn a living for the next 3 months, not what I might do in the future, not what Joe Blogs and any of his mates have to say about anything – but you. You and this day we have together, right now.

I’ve been filling up my time with preparation for your birth, but to be honest – in the last few weeks I had completely forgotten about you. I’m sorry baby.

I don’t mean forgotten about you in the sense of ‘forgetting your existence,’ by the way (although it’s easy to forget I am pregnant at times, seeing as I am feeling so well!) – but just that I had forgotten to take the time each day to connect with you and cherish this journey we are on together. To gently squeeze my tummy, so you know I’m saying hello. To talk to you when we have the chance to be alone. To let you listen to the music that makes me happy. To take you to quiet, calm environments for a swim, a walk, a dance, and to hear the sound of the wind through the trees. And to feel those little bubbles and tightenings low in my tummy and to know that is you.

I want you to be your own person from the moment you are born, baby. You will only be a part of me whilst you are in my tummy; thereafter you will always carry my love with you wherever you go – but you won’t be an extension of me anymore, you will be you. Just you. Your daddy and I want to raise you to be independent, able to stand on your own two feet and think with your own strong mind, from as young as you are able to. We will always protect you, support you, encourage you – and shower you with our unconditional love, forever – but I know you will only be my dependent baby for such a very short time. I promise not to take you for granted anymore, and to cherish every day with you growing inside me. And every day that I get to feed you, bathe you, dress you, and put you to sleep, once you are born.

And for now, as I am getting on with my life, my job, my social activities, and all of the other tasks that fill up my days – I will do so with a greater sense of you being with me. And whenever things start to feel a little less than calm, I will let you remind me what matters most. You.

Please visit me in my dreams again soon, baby.

Your excited and ever loving

Mumma
Xx

 

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Week 18

Dear baby

I had another blissful week off work this week, and! I found out that I am now a licensed Marriage Celebrant! Woo hoo!

This means that once you are born I won’t need to worry about being employed, as I can begin my own business and manage that from home whilst taking care of you too. Every little helps… because every little dollar your daddy and I have will now be yours, let’s face it!

We had another midwife appointment this week too, and this time your daddy got to hear your heart-beating for the first time. I was lay on the bed, whilst Sue used the wand on my tummy, and your daddy was sitting on the waiting chair by her desk… it wasn’t long though before he was out of his seat and standing beside us. He is so excited!

And you sound just like a race horse, you’re a real little mover! I’ve started feeling little bubbles in my tummy that are unaccounted for, and am sure it’s you. I’m now at a phase where I’m more than ready for a big belly and your kicks… I just wonder if I’ll eat those words before too long!

Baby, I came across this cute poem this week. It sums up exactly how I feel:

Cute baby poem

Oh gosh, I love you my baby!

Your Mumma
Xx

 

 

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Week 17

Dear baby

This week I’ve been off work – and no words can describe just how good this has been. No words.

After discovering I was pregnant with you, and spending a lot of time over the last 3 months horizontal on the couch after long days hunched over a desk – to be free to walk around in the outdoors and fresh air has been nothing short of heavenly.

It was the Easter holidays, so your daddy had a little bit of time off too (much deserved after he’s worked so hard lately to develop his business even further for us) and so we took a mini break to Wellington and Nelson. Two places in New Zealand that I had not yet been to (in the 10+ years I’ve lived here!).

It was so good to get away! My body has slowly become softer and rounder over the last little while – so to be out tramping in the Abel Tasman for a few hours, blowing all the cobwebs off, was the best thing ever. Even getting caught in the rain for 3 hours was fantastic! Your daddy hated it… and I must admit it became a little uncomfortable (especially as I began to worry if you’d be warm and safe enough)… but I have an in-built feature that can’t help but love the romance of rain (it must be my British gene).

New Zealand is a truly beautiful country, baby. I wouldn’t say the most beautiful country in the world (as many New Zealander’s would like to claim) – but that’s only because I think the world is full of extraordinarily beautiful places. I truly hope you grow up with a desire to explore and to see some of those places, as I have. You know – I do find it strange, on occasion, when I realise that I am British but you will be a New Zealander. But I fully intend to get you your British passport, and someday I will take you and your daddy to the UK so you can both see where I come from, and fall in love with my beautiful country as much as I have fallen in love with yours.

You’ll be born in New Zealand, baby, but the whole world shall be your oyster.

Your Mumma,
Xx

 

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Week 15

Dear baby,

I’m not gonna lie. Yesterday I had a minor melt-down.

All the books and all the experts and all the women in the whole world who have ever had a baby or looked at one before tell me – it’s normal. It’s hormones.

I just want to say upfront and centre, right now:

“there is nothing in the world I would rather be right now than pregnant with you”

Nothing. And I mean that truly. But despite how blessed I feel, how incredibly magical and exciting it is, and how I would literally die before I let anything happen to you – being pregnant is definitely not a picnic in the park. As I’m sure it’s not for you either (apparently you can swallow now, baby, which basically means you are now slurping on the blood and mucus inside my womb. Poor little mite).

But I’m not so sure I want to blame this meltdown on my hormones. My hormones are doing everything right – telling my body how best to work, so that you can properly develop. I love my hormones.

It’s the physical stuff.

My body and its functions are changing every single day. Which is mostly amazing! But sometimes it’s overwhelming too. I can only trust that you are ok in there, and trust that the changes to me are right for you. I look at myself and have a newfound connection with my body but, at the same time, a realisation that I don’t just belong to myself now. I belong to you too. And also to your daddy. It’s like I am this huge body organ keeping you both together – and mostly that is an incredible feeling, but some days I just want to close all my windows and hide inside with you. Quietly. Just watching you.

I feel like a passenger in my own body. But I guess that’s how you feel too. So that’s kinda nice.

So anyway. I got home from work yesterday and found myself stepping across – the line. The dreaded line that took me from a hungry, sleepy, slightly swollen pregnant woman who is happily in her 2nd trimester – to a crazed woman who couldn’t imagine any kind of comfort that didn’t involve ripping off all my skin and sticking a pin in my bum to let the excess gas out. Whilst eating a cheeseburger.

I have been coping so well for the last 3+ months, I have to say. Trusting my body, embracing every change and going with the flow. And, despite all the changes and the discomforts, I’ve really been enjoying it all. I’ve felt all mother earth – waltzing around, stroking my belly, with a deep sense that the whole universe is inside of me. But for some reason, yesterday there was a bump in the happy road I walked along. A big ugly bump that said “hey you, Mrs Smug, think pregnancy is enjoyable huh?” And then I slammed into some kind of invisible wall, that poked fun at me.

I curled my arms around my tummy, muttered something inaudible to your daddy, and slumped up the stairs before collapsing in a flood of tears on the bed.

And to be honest, it’s really not the hormones, or the physical changes, or the discomforts, or sharing my body, or the concerns that I am keeping you safe. It’s… (here it comes baby)… it’s because I don’t feel very pretty at the moment.

There I said it. With everything going on, all of these incredibly important things that my body is doing – developing you – I’m mostly worried and completely overwhelmed about the fact that I don’t look very pretty at the moment and none of my clothes fit. I feel frumpy and clumsy and yuk. I get fatter by the day, whilst your daddy gets fitter and more handsome.

And you know what your daddy did? He came up the stairs to see me and he held my hand whilst I was crying. I told him I felt sad because I am fed up of feeling tired, and slow, and fat and not having enough energy to exercise my body like I used to, and feeling like my body is doing its own thing and I have no control over it, and that I’m ugly.

He kissed me and cuddled me, and even though he smelt really yukky after being outdoors all day long, I let him. He told me how well I have been doing with everything, and how proud he is of me. That all day long he thinks about me and that he knows I am going to be a wonderful mum.

When we fell to sleep that night he told me I am more beautiful to him today than when we first had met. Baby – that was 7 years ago. Back then, I was 23, size 8, toned, tanned, with long golden blonde hair. Granted, on our Wedding Day 5 months ago I didn’t look too different… but I definitely don’t look the same today. But you know what baby? I believed him. Because he meant it. And the little thing that is even better than feeling the love he has for me, is that he is able to make me feel more beautiful everyday too.

He told me that I am allowed to feel overwhelmed. And I fell asleep feeling ok with everything again.

You are so lucky to have him as your daddy, baby. He is the best.

I would die for the both of you – but seeing as that isn’t a very good idea, I will live for the both of you instead.

Always,

Your mumma
Xx

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Week 14

Hi baby

A lot has been happening over the last few weeks – so many exciting things!

I had my second midwife appointment. This time I wanted to go on my own and, whilst I missed your daddy being there, it was so lovely to have that time to myself. All of my tests (blood tests and the ultrasound scans) came back with great results. Meaning I am very healthy and well, and you are too. I instantly felt a sense of relief… I’m not gonna lie to ya – I’ve definitely eaten more “treat food” than I should have throughout my first trimester! And am glad to know this hasn’t had any bad effects for you.

But the BEST thing about this appointment, was that I got to hear your heart-beating, for the first time. Baby, no words can tell you how amazing that was. It still catches me off guard, every time I realise that you are a real little being, living and growing inside of me. I feel so incredibly lucky to have you; it’s the most amazing thing.

Your daddy continues to talk to you every day and tell you how much he loves you and me. I feel like my body belongs to both of us at the moment, as well as to you. I’m not sure that will ever be different now either – but I don’t mind at all. In fact, your daddy seems to notice the physical changes to my body better than I do – which is really nice for us both. We take photos of my bump every week, and plan to do a montage with them once you have popped out. Be prepared to be bombarded with cameras baby! I expect you to be the cutest thing on earth, so it will only be natural for you to expect mumma & popparazzi.

We’ve decided to keep your sex a secret until you announce it yourself at birth. So until then, we’ve also got a list of baby names ready – after carefully selecting the right middle name combinations so your initials won’t be EGG or GAG or BOG or something embarrassing.

Your daddy and I had a really lovely weekend – we always do, but this one was really special as we started to talk about our future as a family – moving house just before you arrive, and planning our future finances. We also went to Baby City yesterday. It was so adorable to see all the teeny tiny baby clothes we will buy for you soon, and all of the gorgeous cribs and blankets etc. Your daddy was like a kid in a candy shop – excitedly analysing all the state-of-the-art car-seats and strollers (checking to see if they were the same models he has been researching online)… my only concern is that I can fit the equipment into my car without having a minor melt-down each time – but your daddy will ensure you have the comfiest, safest way of getting around no matter what – so rest assured. (Hah – no pun intended).

I’m surprised at how well I feel. My energy is coming back, so now we’re in the 2nd trimester I am starting to take you walking, and swimming again. I wouldn’t say I’m a pin-up pregnant mum who’s living off kale and chia seeds, whilst sitting in a full lotus, but I’m trying.

I’ll always try for you baby,

Your Mumma
Xx

 

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Week 13

Dear baby

Today, we saw you again! I’m now 13 weeks pregnant so there was another scan to check if you might have Down’s Syndrome (not that I would do anything WHATSOEVER if you do – but it was an opportunity to see you again, so we grabbed it).

Incidentally, we were told you are perfect! – we got to see your heart beating, your brain, your spine, your stomach, all 10 fingers and 10 toes, and your wiggly arms and legs and cutie-patootie face in profile. I’m not gonna lie to ya – at one point you rolled towards the front, kind of facing us, and your face looked a bit skeleton-y it kind of made me jump! I’m looking forward to you getting thicker flesh… even though this will mean you start taking up more of my body space, including squishing my lungs and intestines – but it’ll be worth it to have you less skeleton-y. Even though you are the cutest looking skeleton anyone has ever seen, I’m sure.

This time your daddy got a DVD so we could see you again when we got home and to keep a memory of you at the end of your first trimester – because at this point you have just become a fully formed little person (even though you’re still so tiny, like 7cm).

You’re the size of a feijoa!

At first, when your daddy asked for the DVD, the receptionist lady said to us “oh you’re better off getting it at the 20 week scan, you see more.” I could see in your daddy’s face that he didn’t want to be demanding. I also saw disappointment because he really did want the DVD and had regretted not getting it the first time. And I felt like asking the lady to keep her unnecessary opinions to herself (that’s not what she’s paid for!)… but, instead, I looked at your daddy and said “you could get a DVD next time AS WELL, honey.” And his face lit up and he said “yeah!” and the receptionist took her cue to just do as we asked her.

This just got me thinking baby – about how I want you to behave when you are born and growing up. And I want you to always know that, in life, the main thing you need to do is to listen to your heart: know what you want, and have courage in your own convictions. Act with integrity, kindness, and respect towards other people, but don’t let anyone steer you from going your own way. Your life is yours for the living.

Your daddy and I hope to guide you towards becoming a person that is driven, but not competitive, informed, but not biased, opinionated, but not judgemental, strong, but not hard, and gentle, but not weak. We cannot wait to meet you and discover the person that you are. And see you grow, and develop, and make a difference to the world in your own unique way.

And that was the coolest thing about today’s scan – I had a really strong sense of your presence, of you being my beautiful baby, but also of you being your own unique being. Moving in a way that you have chosen yourself. Even without conscious thought yet – you are the one who is choosing to wiggle abundantly, and turn away from the sonographer for some peace and quiet, and rest your arm behind your head, and suck your thumb, and poke your tongue out. It’s amazing, and I feel so humbled being your mother and enabling you to develop.

I love you now and always, my wonderful little belly bean.

Your mumma

Xx

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Week 11

Dear baby

Today the coolest thing happened. Today, your daddy and I saw you for the first time. And you were ADORABLE!

There you are my little belly bean! >

2014-03-03 08.26.58

We had our first midwife appointment last week (a lovely lady called Sue who is going to take good care of us) and we found it hard to ascertain when you were conceived – so today was a dating scan.

We figured you could be anything from 6-8 weeks… but you are already TEN WEEKS old baby! You just continue to surprise us! That means that I was already 6 weeks pregnant when I did my first pregnancy test and you were conceived just before the New Year (which totally makes sense as I was so emotional over that time!) and we only have 2 weeks to go before we’re into the second trimester. Yussss.

I’ve been so incredibly lucky with you baby – having you growing in my tummy has made me VERY tired and VERY hungry, but apart from an increased sense of smell (your daddy usually smells delicious but… yeah… not so much right now, poor thing) I haven’t had any of the yukky sickness. You’ve just been quietly growing inside of me; you’ve been so good to your mumma.

So there we were – 8.15am on a Monday morning (I’ve never looked forward to a Monday morning so much!)… I had to drink 750ml of water 30 minutes before our appointment and NOT PEE (so of course I spent the entire journey to the clinic thinking about the loo – and, typical for your daddy, we were there 20 minutes early*, so I then had to sit cross-legged in the car wishing it to be over…) and I was pretty worried that I would wet my pants on the table as soon as the sonographer put pressure on my tummy… but I was far too distracted to think about my bladder once we went into the little room.

It was dark, with just the light from the computer and display screens glowing and making the room feel cosy. I had to lay on a comfy bed, with a big pillow, and pull up my shirt. The kind lady put some warm goo on my tummy and I reached up and held your daddy’s hand – and we kept our eye on the screen, on the wall above the door. The sonographer, Alison, rubbed a wand thing over my tummy from side to side. First she was checking to see if I had any cysts or anything on my ovaries or around the placenta – which I fortunately don’t. And then she moved the wand to the centre and slowly, but surely, the little bean shape in the black circle (my womb) came into focus. IT WAS YOU.

It was YOU baby. There you were. You were so clear and so big! “3.5cm,” Alison said “that makes it 10 weeks.” I have never felt so happy and tears spilled out of my eyes and I was giggling a bit so it made the image wobbly, and your daddy kissed me, and we just couldn’t take our eyes off you.

Alison said “can you see the baby moving?” And we could! A leg and an arm were moving, almost waving at us. It was too good for words. You just have so much space to move inside my womb at the moment – it’s hard to believe that before too long you will fill it all up and make my tummy swell!

I just looked at you for what felt like ages and could not believe that you had been there all this time. You looked so peaceful and comfortable and I’m sure your little tongue was sticking out! You’ve just been quietly growing inside my tummy, whilst I have been busy complaining about how tired I am, and how hungry I am, and how fat I am, and how I am hungry I am again, and how things smell gross, and how my boobs are sore, and getting all emotional over being emotional, and worrying about whether or not to eat lettuce and, meanwhile, you were inside my tummy just quietly growing.

You are so precious baby, and so clever, and strong – I left the clinic with pep in my step today, knowing that no matter what difficulties and discomforts are ahead of me I will embrace them all for you.

I love you so much baby! As I was cooking our dinner tonight your daddy said: “This is the best thing that has ever happened to me” (seeing you through the scan) – but he didn’t really say it to me, he kind of said it to himself. It was adorable. You will love your daddy so much! And it just makes me so happy – after everything he has done, and continues to do for me, the greatest gift I can possibly repay him with is growing in my tummy. Our beautiful baby. You.

We cannot wait to see you again.

Keep safe in there, I will take such good care of you.

Your mumma.
Xxx

*if you could be as punctual as your daddy, that would be fantastic by the way!

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