Where are you at, my friend? Are you well?
The thing with having fertility issues is that it’s all consuming, isn’t it? It almost becomes who we are. Or rather, who we are not.
The ability to have a child or not, shapes our entire life’s course. It’s big. Not being pregnant goes against the grain of what our bodies are designed to do – life will only continue to be life, if we procreate. This is how I feel. And we can have a philosophical debate about the truth in that – but it would mean absolutely nothing. Because this is how I _feel_. This is _my_ truth. My desire to have another child is primal. It’s just a part of me like my heartbeat. I won’t question it. I couldn’t. I don’t have to.
But in this process of conception, with no clear path or timeline ahead of me, just the getting through of one day after the other… maybe it doesn’t need to be like this. Maybe it doesn’t need to be so consuming. Or defining.
Maybe we can focus less on getting through it, and more on just being here. Just embracing and accepting life and all it is and isn’t.
What’s going on in your world that’s really great right now? Do you have a vocation that you’re really good at? Do you have a relationship that makes you feel loved every day? Do you have friends who know just how to make you laugh – have you picked good ones? Do you live amongst nature and can appreciate its beauty from your own home, or do you live in the City and are surrounded by arts and culture and all kinds of interesting people doing wonderful things? What have you achieved lately? What have you done well? What have you learned?
Don’t make plans today – just look around you. Look at where you are. It’s good isn’t it? You’ve shaped a wonderful life for yourself. Special people are in it with you.
Then maybe tomorrow… do you have space in your life for something new? Is there something you’d like to study, to travel to, to create? Or is there something you just want to enjoy without expectations of it being something more? Can you be spontaneous? Frivolous!
I urge you to be.
I urge you to put yourself first – not at the exclusion of others, but at the inclusion of yourself.
Look at yourself in the mirror every morning – directly into your eyes – and see the beautiful soul in front of you. Someone who is deserving of love and kindness and generosity.
Let it come from you, first.
How are you taking care of yourself this week?
Well, I hope.
Image found via the lovely Be and Bloom NZ.