What a week it has been. The sword of Damocles has fallen (so-to-speak!): we’re facing bankruptcy, again. Only this time it’s cut a bit closer to the bone. Like we can actually feel the knife point. Add to this: our rental agreement ended last month, the property manager is moving on, so we’re bumbling by in a kind of month-to-month lease before things can be sorted (how settling!). Oh, and we’re about to go overseas for a whole month, in just 5 weeks’ time! Life being all ‘up in the air’ is a rather fitting description at the minute!
Backstory: after a huge loss within the business a couple of years ago (completely out of our control), we’d put our life savings (just over 50 grand) on the line to keep things afloat. Nick has managed to do so like an absolute trooper, and the hope of our personal money returning was still flickering from a distance… set to return to us, eventually.
So life and plans carried on, as per. But then the last month happened: ‘men’ walking off the job with no warning or reason whatsoever (unanswered calls, inconsistent stories heard via the grapevine, a lot of dishonesty and zero integrity!), followed by empty promises from new staff who never showed up. A total loss of canoe in a very shitty creek.
The situation we found ourselves in this week, as follows: breaking point for Nick; the business kind of passing a point of no return; the beginning stages of contract(s) termination; talking with lawyers; accepting the (almost certainly) irrecoverable loss of our life’s savings; the drawing of lines; the business seriously facing liquidation; and personal bankruptcy looming just around the corner.
We’re in the process of negotiations – we don’t know anything for certain yet – but we will know before our trip what the next phase will be for us. To soldier on (albeit with the personal loss), or to surrender completely. Either way, we won’t be carrying on as we have been – trying to hold something together that has already fallen apart; trying to make work something that isn’t; trying to get back something that has gone…
Change, one way or the other, is coming. And that in itself has brought with it a deep sense of release.
I believe it takes a lot of courage to admit when something has stopped working and to draw a line. It’s actually an empowering process in a strange sort of way. We’re not the only people to have been in this situation, nor will we be the last – there is much to learn from others, and from our own journey. And we will certainly come back from this – whatever ‘this’ turns out to be – better and stronger.
Your breaking might actually be your making.
This opportunity to let go, to essentially lose everything we thought we had (and had certainly worked hard for) – is in fact an opportunity to expand. It’s a chance to do something completely different, to consider going down a different path, with nothing to lose! There are new directions at every turn. New possibilities as fast as we can imagine them. We have the chance to uncover a deeper sense of who we really are and what it is we really want; to reconnect with our values and set more heart-aligned goals. So I feel strangely excited, liberated, and free.
I don’t think that’s how Nick feels right now, still wading through that murky creek – but I do know he can see me, standing on the banks with my arms outstretched, our children by my side. And I know that a great comfort must be found in a battle reaching it’s end. (Perhaps this is really what I’m feeling).
Change is coming – one way or the other – and who knows what is next for us. But I’ll be damned if something like this will knock the wind from our sails. There is only one place we’re going for sure – and that’s onward.
So long as we have each other, we have all we could ever truly need.