We’re a month into the winter season and the task list / intentions I had set for it are already starting to fade. I feel so unmotivated; caught between trying to find the motivation vs surrender to the lull. I’ve so far picked the latter.
Ordinarily, I’d be in a funk right now… berating myself for not using my time effectively, or for being lazy, or for not having myself ‘together’ or whatever. But, thankfully, I’ve started to move out of that sort of mindset. I’m (generally speaking) living with much more grace and learning to truly trust my intuitions. I need to not do a lot right now. So I’m not doing.
Laundry and the housework won’t get done again today, let’s be honest, even though it’ll only take me an hour or two to get most of it all done – but it’ll keep til tomorrow. When I’ll try again. We’ve not run out of undies or socks yet, so all’s well.
I’ve been wanting to do another Fast 800 – to lose the last of my “baby weight,” yes, but also (mostly) to reap the benefits I’ve had from doing it before (remarkably improved energy, focus, mental clarity, and a lighter mood) – but come the cold evenings all I want is warm drinks and marmalade on toast, so I’ve been doing that instead. Then again, I did buy a new pair of jeans at the weekend in a size 8 (wearing them again today), so the marmalade on toast can enjoy it’s current place in my daily rhythm.
I’ve got library books I’ve renewed already and now need to return, unread, whilst I spend my evenings not reading them, and not working on my art and craft projects; or drafting next season’s ceremonies; or creating Georgie’s ‘first year photobook’ (before a travel album from our UK trip pushes it further down the line). I admit that, instead, I spend a couple of hours a night watching Love Island and a variety of other ‘trashy’ TV. But Nick and I have been enjoying (and needing) to let ourselves unwind and let go a bit. So I also admit that I’ve been bloody loving it. Tommy and Molly-Mae are young enough to be Nick’s kids (almost mine, too!), and they’ve been making us smile and laugh on these dark wintery nights. Two young kids having the summer of their lives, reminding us not to take our own lives too seriously, just because things are in fact serious now.
I manage a big walk about once a week. Not daily, as I could do, and should do, and want to do. I do feel a bit guilty, knowing Georgie would love a daily trip to a playground or a beach or a park. But then I remind myself we have a ONE MONTH holiday coming up, real soon, and she’ll have so much time running wild outdoors she’ll survive a little cooped up winter. Tomorrow I’ll aim to go for a walk. Again. And either I will, or I won’t.
Yoga. Don’t ask me. Put it this way… when I bought my last ’10 class concession card’ I expected I’d need to budget for another one before our trip came around. It’s now just 7 weeks until we go and this current concession card is unlikely to be used up before we do! I’m just struggling to get there! Saturdays are so full with working and meeting new couples and photography courses and the odd off-season wedding, that my priorities have been on getting as much office-time in as I can get. I am planning to go tonight, there’s a yin class at 7pm… the kids are exhausted and have been going to bed at 6.30pm, so it’s ideal… but meh. I’ll no doubt report back with all the yoga is the answer wisdom, if I do.
But despite this lack of motivation, I’m actually feeling really good. I don’t feel pressured or stressed, I feel quite calm and centred. Surrendering when I’m called to do so, will mean I’ll be flowing again soon.
I think surrender is a self care practice of the highest degree!
What deliciously nurturing and caring things are you doing for yourself at the moment, my friend?