Full disclosure

I refuse to censor my story, or to silence myself because the things I might write about might not be the ‘done thing’ to discuss so openly.

So I will be writing candidly (as is the only way I know how) about the struggles Nick and I are currently facing, as we approach liquidation of his business and personal bankruptcy.

We aren’t the only people to go through this, nor will we be the last – and all I have ever tried to do is write a little of those unsaid things, so that it might help someone, somewhere, cope a little better when facing a similar path. I guess this started when I wrote openly about my journey with secondary infertility.

However, I have been a little foolish – because I should have considered the wider repercussions this particular topic might have had for Nick, and for others involved. And for this I am so very sorry. I had no idea who might be reading my blog, imagining it would only be family and personal friends – this was very naive of me.

I hope you are reading this and know who you are. I want to say this to you:

  • I completely understand your anger and disappointment in finding out more information from my blog, prior to having an open discussion with BG Projects.
  • Please know that this wasn’t because you were being kept in the dark, or having the wool pulled over your eyes (although I know it will likely feel this way) – but because Nick has been trying so hard, for so long, to avoid the inevitable and to turn things around. He’s been solely focused on keeping things going, for everyone concerned.
  • We are devastated that the impact of our business collapsing will have negative consequences for our clients and others. This is the last thing we would ever have wanted and have gone to great lengths to avoid. We have taken advantage of no one.
  • We have put our ENTIRE life savings, in excess of $50,000, into the business to minimise the impact on our clients. We’ve had to explain to our eldest child, our sweet Beau, that the house we were going to build now won’t be getting built. We haven’t just lost a lot of money, we’ve really lost everything – our livelihood, our family home, our sense of security, and freedom (speaking in a financial sense).
  • Our trip to the UK (my native country, which I haven’t been back to now in 7 years), was paid for by me, over a considerable amount of time, from the money I have earned working as a Celebrant. I’ve sacrificed weekend time with my family in order to work and make this happen. I’ve worked in the slithers of time my daughter has been napping, or after they have both gone to bed in the evening, late into the night when I’ve needed my own rest. I’m gutted I now must wait another year to see my family, especially with my Grandmother having had open heart surgery this year – but we postponed our trip (also at my own personal expense) so that Nick could remain in NZ to manage things best for his clients at this time. So yes, it is nice for us that we’ll still get to go next year – we deserve to go. This has absolutely no bearing on BG Projects, or BG Projects’ clients.
  • It really would have been much better for us to have jumped ship before it sank, so-to-speak – but we really, truly, wanted to do everything we could to avoid the worst for others.
  • We are in this situation for reasons that were completely and utterly outside of our control.
  • This is a terrible time for us – but I will continue to see the positives in life, and to strive to make the situation a bit better for our family. Just as Nick is striving to make the situation a bit better than it might otherwise be, for his clients.
  • Yes, I do know ‘everything’.

We’re bearing the brunt of things, trust me.

I’m so sorry we’re all having to go through this.

It blindsided us, too.

Hayley.

Ps. These comments are directed openly, not to any person(s) in particular:

Don’t read my personal blog unless you genuinely care about our family. This otherwise isn’t the place for you and you are not welcome here.

If at any point I feel as though Nick and/or our family are being harassed, threatened, or treated unreasonably – then I will take that very seriously. (I have already needed to do so on a number of occasions).

To Nick – I know that over the last little while you have been threatened, verbally abused, and treated terribly by a large number of people. Your grace, integrity, and strength continues to astound me. I’m proud of you, Nick. You’re facing a terrible personal time, yet you’re doing your best and giving everything you have in consideration of others over yourself. Keep your chin up. And I’ll be here to remind you that YOU matter, too. That YOU come first to us.

Thank you to those people (unlikely reading this, but you never know!) who have been, and continue to be, a support to Nick. Your wisdom, counsel, and kindness has not gone unnoticed nor will be forgotten.

Frankly, in a world where the Amazon rainforest is burning, nations are starving, and still human beings are at war over religion and politics – I think we can all consider ourselves pretty grateful if our finances are our biggest problem. I invite perspective.

2 thoughts on “Full disclosure

  1. I’m sorry you had to write this. There are no words that I can think of (as I definitely don’t write as eloquently as you). Just know that there are some of us (like me) out here, that whilst we don’t know you THAT well, we care. My thoughts are with you, they have been for some time now. I love reading your posts because they are so real.

    1. Oh Tilly, I can’t tell you how lovely your comment is (and how appreciated!). It’s a pleasure having you as a reader, and a comfort sharing this motherhood journey with fellow mamas such as yourself. Perhaps someday soon we’ll get a little extra adult time, and might share a coffee/tea/wine? 🙂 Much love xx

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